Sometimes, we just need someone to lean on. That someone who inspires us and makes us believe, once again, that God has made us capable and talented in so many ways. In my life, that person has come in so many forms. My mother, father, sister, girlfriends, husband, and now, Kandee. Her honesty about discouraging times and her desire to encourage others is overwhelmingly inspiring. More than anything, I long to get back to the girl that inspires and lifts up. Sometimes, this can be easy to let slip away.
Recently, someone I know experienced a deep loss. I am just coming out of a depression myself and found it difficult to sit and listen to what my loved one was saying and feeling. Yet, I love her so much. Her choice to share herself with me that way is meaningful and a direct reflection of how our relationship has grown over the years. I sat, listened, silently cried, and worried over her. This amazing woman and mother needs healing and peace.
There was a time when I would have tried to pretend I understood. I have been through far more than most girls I know. But this … this isn’t anything I know or can imagine. There was a time when I would have thought she should get over it, quickly separate herself from it. The truth is, more than anything, people need to be heard. People need to be listened to and met wherever they are. They don’t always need advice or a quick fix. That doesn’t work. They don’t always need to immediately try to be better.
“Broken people are like shattered mirrors. They reflect light more brilliantly and beautifully.” The ever-wonderful Kandee mentioned this on one of her video shares and I know I’ve heard that before. Today, it really hits home. Without understanding what pain feels like, it can be hard to touch the lives of people who are in pain or discouraged.
Our pain may not be the same, but it is shared. For a time, all of my reactive anger to being emotionally and mentally abused led me to wonder if I had anti-social personality disorder. I kid you not … I was really worried about it. That worry alone should have been the key to let me know that I definitely do NOT have this disorder. I feel things too deeply, especially when they happen to other people.
Now it is time to be there for the people who really want it and need it. I’m realizing how much my loved ones gave during all of my heart-aches and troubles. I didn’t have the energy to give back, because it was all being siphoned off by a snarling mountain lion disguised as a kitten. That mountain lion would rip off my limbs with his silence, his snide insults, his terribly harsh judgments, and then turn around and mew like a kitten when I wanted to leave.
I don’t have time for people who will not be their true selves with me. Instead, I reserve my energies for life, for loving my beautiful friends and family, for letting myself be leaned on by those who need it most.